Immortal Family Feud
by ZoeNightshade12
Summary: Coming up Next on Hephaestus TV! It's the best rated show of the millennia... Immortal Family Feud! It's the Olympian family against the Titan family- and they sure are feuding! You won't want to miss this, folks. Are you ready? Probably not! But watch it anyway!


Immortal Family Feud

"Good evening, welcome to Immortal Family Feud! We've got a great show lined up for you... please welcome the Olympian family back for the second time- we have: Athena! Zeus! Poseidon! Aphrodite! And standing in for Hades after last week's... _feud_ you might say, is Artemis! Can we get a round of applause please folks? Good stuff. And playing against them for control over Western Civilisation is the Titan family! Say hello to: Kronos! Rhea! Hyperion! Oceanus! Mnemosyne! Okay, it's time to meet the families- starting with the Olympians! Team Captain Athena! Welcome, again! And may I say congratulations on you and Aphrodite's incredible efforts with last week's Fast Fate!"

"It was nothing, Hermes. I always have a plan."

"Indeed! Being the Wisdom goddess and all that... ha ha! So, what have you been up to since we last saw you?"

"Oh, you know. The usual."

"How very vague! Just like the Oracle, eh Apollo? Now! Lord Zeus- how's it going?"

"Very well. Blasting things out of the sky, being a _very_ faithful husband to Hera thank you very much-"

"All right, time to move on! Here's a right easy going chap, Poseidon! What's up?"

"Aw, I'm doing just fine. Well, I would be if somebody would stop hogging the TV all the time!"

"Shut up brother! I never have this problem with Hades!"

"That's because he lives in the Underworld!"

"I don't care!"

"Share the remote! Mother would want you to!"

"Never!"

"Zeus! Be a good lad and share with your brother!"

"I saved him and the others from dad's stomach! Why should I owe him anything?"

"I saved your sorry behind against Typhon! But you don't hear me go on about it at all the family reunions, unlike someone I could mention!"

"Well _he_ changed the WiFi password again mum!"

"Don't be a tell-tale, son."

"But he-"

"CRAM IT!"

"Yes, mummy."

"Ha! You got yelled at Zeus."

"Did not."

"Did too."

" _Did not!"_

"Oh yes you did! Now be nice to your brothers! I've had it up to here with all these complaints-"

"All right Rhea! Calm down everyone! I reckon you're taking the whole 'feud' bit too seriously. Well, we've wasted too much time with you lot to introduce the rest of you- sorry about that ladies! But we have to move onto the Face-Off! Give me both Team Captains: Athena! Kronos! You're up!"

"Okay, we want the top five answers on the board! Here we go! Ooh! Anyone else pumped up? I can smell the electricity in the air..."

"Don't worry about that Hermes. Zeus always had a strong stench."

"Why you little-"

"Great one Poseidon! But, if you want to keep your head, I'd suggest you let it slide. Let's-"

"Move along, please. I'm the Lord of Time, but I haven't got all day, jeez."

"For once, I agree. We've been here two millennia already."

"I'd rather be listening to Apollo's poetry right now."

"Fine- we asked 100 wood nymphs: 'How many times has a god tried to chase you?'"

 _Beep!_

"Hey! No cheating Kronos. Bending time is against the RULES! Does nobody read the rule book these days? Athena gets to answer! We run an honest show!"

"Rats."

 _"Rats? I like rats. Who said rats?"_

"Shh George. Athena, shoot."

"50."

"Good answer!"

"Okay, let's see if it's up there- as usual... Show me 50!"

 _Ding Ding!_

"Wow, what a surprise- the number one answer! You gonna pass or play?"

"Play. Duh."

"Off you got then!"

"Whoooh! Let's do this!"

"Right. Zeus, we asked 100 wood nymphs: 'How many times has a god tried to chase you?'"

"How about... 75 times?"

"Give me.. 75!"

 _Ding! Ding!_

"Ooh! Great stuff! Wonder how you knew that one? Or maybe Dionysus should be here... Come on! Poseidon- same question."

"Easy. 100! Bet that's number two!"

"We'll see..."

 _Ding! Ding!_

"Ha! Beat you brother!"

"You're so annoying!"

"Jealous."

"Am not."

"Get over it!"

"We're moving swiftly on... Go Aphrodite!"

"23! 23!"

"Okay... 23?"

 _Ding! Ding!_

"Well, I'll be damned. Well done! Artemis, it's your turn. If you get this, you clear the board."

"Okay, okay... 60."

"We'll soon see! 60?"

 _Ding! Ding!_

"Yeah, baby! We got this!"

"And the round goes to the Olympian family! You have 100 points, the Titan family is still on zero points- time for the next round- and there's triple points up for grabs!"

"Yarrrrgggghhhhh! Titan family... advance!"

"Wait- Kronos, what are you doing?"

"What's it look like, puny host? I'm rebelling against this one sided show!"

"Oh, brother. Please! Sit down, we don't have time for this- we're supposed to be having fun!"

"You didn't even want to come here Rhea!"

"Yes, yes. But all this 'let's go to war' and 'let's overthrow the kids' thing is getting old. Loosen up."

"Not until these guys play fair!"

"Oh for goodness sake! Don't be a sore loser."

"That's right, turn against me- like everybody else! I'm outta here! Come on guys, we're going paint-balling... without those guys. Ciao!"

"Ugh, I hate it when he does that."

"Bye guys, thanks for having us."

"No problem Mnemosyne. See you... Well! Now we don't have any more contestants- I guess you guys win the game again! Ready to play Fast Fate?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, who's gonna play?"

"Athena and Artemis."

"Knew it. Let's go... Athena, you're going first, so we'll see Artemis later! But now it's time to play-"

"FAST FATE!"

"Whoop-whoop! Questions on the board! Athena: you have 20 seconds, good luck! We asked 100 married goddesses- on a scale of 1-10, how angry are you with your husband right now?"

"10."

"Fill in the blank: Hera's mad at Zeus because-"

"He never puts anything in the right place."

"Name something that rhymes with 'bad'"

"Mad."

"Name a noisy god/goddess."

"Dionysus."

"Name a way people get around Olympus."

"Chariot."

 _Ding! Ding! Ding!_

"Right- let's look at the answers, and see how you fared. Oh- we're running out of time? Right then- just add it up now... you got 199 points? I didn't know that was possible! I guess Artemis can sit back and relax! Bring on the goddess!"

"Greetings Hermes."

"Nice to see you too! Now, guess what Athena got!"

"Cut to the chase man! This is getting dull."

"Uh, all right. She got 199 points. Get 1 point and you're in! Let's go-"

"Yarrrrgggghhhhh!"

"Oh, great. Guess who's back."

"Enough of your sass Poseidon! I am your father! Prepare to be paint-balled into Tartarus!"

"What a shame, Kronos! Ran out of time! See you next time, folks... on Immortal Family Feud! Bye-bye!"

"I will kill you all!"

"Sure thing dad."

"Now I'm remembering why I ate you all."

"I said _bye-bye_!"


End file.
